Firenze

Before anything, sorry for the lack of writing lately, guys! (I have been rather busy attending a mission this week called 'Gesu nel Centro', a SPECTACULAR evangelization mission, sponsored by the Diocese of Rome, by the youth, for the youth. It has been such a blessing to see so many young people take a part in this mission, which clearly brings so many back to the church every year. Perhaps this is a potential mission for the United States as well...?)

Tomorrow, I leave for Florence with two of my friends from 'Casa Famiglia' (the house where I live with the Benedictine Sisters) Maria José, from Mexico, and Elisabeth, from Belgium. This is our mini trip and our chance to see Florence, which is apparently very picturesque in the its changing of seasons. But of course, all has to have a reason in my book :)...SO, I will take the time to visit two orders while I am there. I will visit the Monastic Fraternity of Jerusalem (Fraternita Monastiche di Gerusalemme) in Florence and also Loppiano, the first citadella of the Focolare movement. Two VERY different orders, but with characteristics and charisms that I feel are very close to my heart. Methinks I will have a lot to say when I return.

Because I will be away for a few days, you will be hearing from me next this upcoming Monday. You are all in my prayers and I LOVE you all

In advance, happy feast day of our beloved Saint Therese.

On her death bed : 'I am not dying...I am merely entering into life.' -St. Therese of Lisieux

Rataplan!

What an incredible night!

This is one of my many pictures I took (quite liberally, might I add) of Cecilia Bartoli as she sang last night at the National Academy of Saint Cecilia in Rome.

What I find most incredible about her, even more so than her voice, her apparent love, and affection, for her audience. It was such a blessing to be able to see someone who wanted to SHARE her music.

And then to top it off, a night spent afterwards at adoration.

Last night was toppled with so much joy, that words can not describe the feelings. God is truly marvelous...

In my prayers.

Tonight: 'The Cheech', my friends

And so, tonight, I am off to visit with Cecilia Bartoli, as she does a concert at 'La Accademia Nazionale di Santa Cecilia' the 'Cecilia Bartoli Auditorium' (Go figure the irony...). Tonights concert features all of the music from her most recent album 'Maria' which is a tribute to the 'first female opera star', Maria Malibran.

It should be pretty awesome.

Expect many pictures as I have the please of sitting orchestra, ninth row.

Love you and praying for you all.

Assisi!

One of the most incredible, holy, pacific, peace-filled places in the world...I can't wait to go back!

This is a picture of my friends and I in front of St. Claire's Basilica.
(From left to right: Anna, Carrie, Elisabetta, Carina, Adriana, and I)

What did you do now?

You know, thank goodness I have lots of personality because if not…who KNOWS what the Sisters would think of me. Saturday marked a month of my being here with the Benedictine Sisters, and if all the things I have managed to do in a month haven’t made them think I am crazy, than I figure I am in good shape. ☺

First, for all of you to understand the intensity of why they might think I am little abnormal, I will go down a checklist of things that have happened:

1. My first few nights here, I sat down on the bed, and ‘BOOM!’, it fell to the ground. Now, you can just imagine that one can’t you? And of course, the next morning when it was my job to tell the sisters, ‘Excuse me, but my bed broke.’ and then of course one of them coming to see and asking me with a very puzzled look, ‘What did you do???’ Truthfully, nothing! After observing the bed, I realized that it had been fixed more than one time.
2. I was sitting in the dining room, and went to sit back in my chair a little bit, and again, no surprise, I broke the back of the chair. How does one break the back of a chair, you ask? This one, I wish I could answer, and simply, I can not.
3. Last Sunday, I ‘lost’ my keys. Because I didn’t realize I had left them in my friend’s room, I was sure that I had locked them in my new closet. So, very reluctantly, but realizing there was no way around it, I go up to the front desk to ask one of the sisters at 8:30 a.m. for help. What’s the first thing she asks? ‘Well Rocio, what have you done now so early in the morning?’ She, telling me they lost the replacement key for the closet, manages a way to get the closet open a little bit ONLY to realize that the keys are NOT in the closet. Incredible. Again, they were in my friends room.
4. This morning, because I have been sick and because I usually cover myself with water when I wash clothes by hand, I decided I would use the washing machine. This is something I usually refrain from because each load is 3.50 euro. BUT I didn’t want to risk getting sick again, and because I hadn’t washed things in a while, the piles of clothes had really accumulated (towels, p.j.’s, etc.) SO, I walked upstairs to where there are two washing machines. One of the washing machines was occupied, so I decided I would use the other ones. All was going peachy until one of the sisters began to yell at me. ‘Why?’, you ask? Well because I was, as expected, using the sister’s PRIVATE washing machine which needs a lot of clothing in it or it will break due to its industrial size. I explained to them that the day I arrived and was shown everything I was really overwhelmed and perhaps didn’t understand correctly…Well, DEFINITELY didn’t understand correctly.

And I am sure I can add lots of other things to list, but ‘PHEW!’, so many times of having to explain myself. Trying to tell them I am a highly sensitive person, absent-minded type seven, ENTP, who gets overwhelmed when someone mentions the word ‘caffeine’. All just so in ends they look at me and think, ‘Child, where did you come from?’ And by the same token, I know they love me.

If there is one thing I find incredible about certain people is how, besides your absent mind, your inability to care about things of this world, your idea that ‘Everything that’s mine is yours and everything that’s yours is mine!’, they can still care about you enough to know that underneath all of those things, there are parts of you that are golden, and therefore mean so much more than any kind of ‘mistake’ you may commit, merely because, you can’t understand being any way else. (*How do you fix a problem like, Rocio…*) Likewise, while it is hard for me to accept failing, being disliked for even one second, having a ‘bad reputation’: These Sisters have a house to run!!!

And so, thanking God that at least He doesn’t take my clearly unworldly actions into consideration (Or, at least, I sure hope not!), I realize that I am in ways different from people, in ways not. But, at the end of the day, I wouldn’t say that I would want to give up anything about myself, especially now, to try and triumph in other things, for at that point, I would risk letting go of all the blessings I HAVE been given. And likewise, no one else should change their own personal blessings, because it is in the differences that we can learn to be Christians and appreciate each other, working as a unit.

I leave with a passage from a book I have been reading that has so served for my own personal reflections, in hopes that perhaps it may do the same for you:

‘Accept that even at your best time, as a human being, you instinctively tend
towards sin. With a clear light, realize that the bottom of your heart is ego-centric,
selfish, jealous, aggressive, avid, and that the devil, who accosts your brothers and
sisters and works in the darkness, works heavily through these things in order to
devour you.
To open yourself to love, you must continuously get tired of the power of
non-love. Without this newfound humility and conversion, you will never be able
to truly love.
How much more you learn to love your brothers and sisters, is how much more
you will learn to love and accept yourself.
If things are unified, they will be unifying; if calm; calming. Love yourself with
humility and pride, with the love that which God Himself loves you. In turn, with
this as your foundation, love your brothers and sisters as you love and accept
yourself. ‘

‘Monaci Nelle Città: Libro di Vita’ – Fraternità Monastiche di Gerusalemme

And as always, you are in my prayers. I love you all.

Whassup ma ciccia (chee-cha)????

In Roman slang, CICCIA (chee-cha), which I know, is a rather not nice word in the Spanish language, means 'sista'. You can imagine how that was for me the first time I heard THAT word. MUCH more exciting than 'Boh...'.

I have been a little under the weather with the climate change (really pretty drastic... hot one day, really cool the next...) with a cold, but don't you worry, I have about four friends all in line to take care of me. Really incredible how maternal Italian women are! Sylvia, my old roommate (I had to switch rooms because her permanent roommate is coming back on Sunday ... We were both really sad! ) has been taking such good care of me...

'Rocio, cos' hai mangiato oggi?' (What did you eat today?) ... me- 'Ho mangiato un po' di cereale.' (I had some cereal.) ... 'Ma tu sei matta! Tu devi mangiare!!!' (You're nuts! You need to eat more!) ... me- ' Però ho mangiato...' (But I did eat)... ' Ma dai Rocio?!... Tu devi mangiare...' (REALLY, Rocio? ... You should eat...)

And this has been the way it has gone for two days, making me eat, giving me medication, making me wear a sweater, yelling at me because I am next to a window, telling me that I need to stay under my quilt the WHOLE day, etc. etc. Really interesting things. (P.S. Can I just tell you that the medication here is completely different? Maybe different in the sense that it wouldn't be FDA approved in the United States? Seriously, in the US we use saline nose drops. HERE, they use these 'protein drops', which don't get me wrong, work REALLY really well, but they are like black ink... Kid you not. ) AND due to all of this love I am feeling much better. :)

I hope I am feeling even better by tomorrow morning because we are taking a day trip to ASSISI! I am sooooo incredibly excited to go and see the home of one of the most inspirational saints of all time, St. Francis. If I do get to go, I will have so much to tell you.

SO until my later my dears. Please remember that I keep you always, always in my prayers and in my constant thoughts.

And to close:

Signore, fa' di me uno strumento della tua pace.

Dove c'è l'odio, io porti amore.
Dove c'è discordia, io porti l'unione.
Dove c'è errore, io porti la verità.
Dove c'è dubbio, io porti la fede.
Dove c'è disperazione, io porti la speranza.

O Divino Maestro,
che io non cerchi tanto di essere consolato quanto di consolare.
Non di essere compreso quanto di comprendere.
Non di essere amato quanto di amare.

Infatti: donando si riceve.
Dimenticandosi si trova comprensione.
Perdonando si è perdonati.
Morendo si riuscita alla vera VITA.

'Rosie, I think the Pope almost ran us over.'

Guess who went to a Papal audience this morning???? ME!

It just so happens that yesterday while Miriam, Carrie, and I were at the Vatican, we conveniently remembered that they were in the hours of giving out tickets for the Papal audience the next morning. Soooooo awesome :)

And then, conveniently on the way back, Carrie and I were talking, not paying attention, when we walked into the street, precisely at the moment three black cars were passing by. We had to get off the road, just in time to see little man in the back with white hair and long white clerics. :) Yes, folks. Only I would come to Rome only to almost get run over by the Papa.

Don't worry. He extended his Papal Blessing to all of my friends and family not present. I promise :)

If I had to leave tomorrow...

…I would leave o.k., understanding why it is I had to come here.

It’s hard to explain changes, especially those that seem so small. They shouldn’t make any difference, and yet the incredible thing is that they do. And even more so, they were that which you have been wanting find, wanting to experience for so long.

How could I explain my life here in Rome? To say that all the beautiful things that have happened and will happen just MAGICALLY appeared… eh, that’s really not the case. It could seem like I have been given many encounters from which I should take and learn a thing or two, and that is all. There is nothing else I need to do. That at the end of this experience, no matter what happens, ‘it will be a good experience in which I will have become a better person.’ The truth is, I don’t think it happens to be that easy for me. This trip is not based on my coming here to sing, to enjoy life, to eat gelato (while those things are all part of the process). There is so much more than that.

I like to use this analogy: I’ve been given a set of many little keys and have been shown a giant mansion, plantation. I have been told to go and test the doors, and try to open them because behind each one of those doors, something really revelatory, important, significant awaits for me. So I go and I try to open all of these doors with conviction. When I get nervous and impatient, I lose my track of thought and can’t remember which keys I already used. When I go through the process of trying all the keys, I waste time. It’s not until I take the time to slow down and, keyword, trust that I remember the most important thing: the keys are in my hands, and it doesn’t matter if it takes a lifetime, but I will eventually be able to open those doors, because I have faith that I have been given all the right keys. This is not just a time where ‘I am learning a little more about myself.’ No. I am doing something much more important. I am learning how to love and trust God.

As Carrie Lawless would explain it, ‘You know that feeling you get when just open yourself to God and all you can do is fall on your knees and cry because you truly don’t know what else to do?’ No. I didn’t know that before here. Maybe I experienced it a little bit, but I didn’t know what that was like to truly begin to give my entire self to something I can’t see and that sometimes, I can’t hear, because I didn’t trust enough, but mostly because I was so afraid of the pain it would bring. (Imagine constructing this entire temple, and then realizing you need to knock it down and build it again, knowing that your only consolation is that you have gained experience in how to build. It’s not easy, folks.) At the same time I thought I had reached some kind of optimum relationship with God. ‘Everything’s great ! I don’t need to do ANYTHING else!’ I had never let my guard down enough to have something that profound in my life. Never. Then I am given the chance to come here and meet amazing people, learn different things, and that begins to change for me, because I all of a sudden feel up to the challenge of being less afraid and understanding what true love really is. Then I read a line in Chiara Amirante’s book where she says, ‘The great saints felt spiritual aridity because they were going through purification of the soul. Most of us think we have that same problem, when in reality, most of the time, the truth is, we’re just not searching for Jesus.’ Wow. I can’t recall how many times I have sat back and thought. ‘Oh. I don’t feel like praying at the moment, and God would appreciate it if I prayed later. I will just do everything…later.’ So many times that ‘later’ never came, and I found myself to afraid to keep moving forward that I just made myself comfortable where I was and stopped asking questions. I have been able to witness so many incredible, real examples here and I realize, ‘No, Rosie. Not putting yourself into the relationship and thinking you will find God is not o.k., no matter what kind of excuses you are making for yourself.’ (The fruit of prayer is a clean heart which is free to love….) And so I began to be truly be truly honest, and my heart is on its way to a much better place.

I’ve thought that this has everything to do with coming here and feeling a ‘spiritual high’ because I was in Rome. Nope. This is me trying to let go of fear and continuously search my heart and soul, giving myself the chance to go deeper than the surface. Nothing seemingly ‘big’ has changed about me, except for my allowance of growth, which is everything. It has not been easy, and I won’t pretend it will ever be, but it is rewarding, because in learning to establish a real relationship with God and letting myself decrease, I stop worrying, ‘If God has given me a vocation to be a consecrated religious, WHO WILL SAVE THE WORLD?!?’ (Cynical, I know. But truthfully something I have thought of often.) No. First, I have to learn how to be His daughter. That’s all He wants.

I love you all. In my prayers, always.

Be a pencil in the hand of God, which has done nothing except be allowed to be used. – M. Teresa

Luck be a Rosie all day :)

Hey there everyone :) Greetings from a very sunny, cool Rome, listening to some Frank Sinatra. 

It's a quiet afternoon here, after a very long, but joyous, weekend. Tonight, I am going to go do some singing, thus I will have quite a bit to tell you all tomorrow! 

Until tomorrow, I love you all. :) 

Notte Bianca!

‘Notte Bianca’ = White Night

Rome has a specific day, more so a specific evening, called ‘Notte Bianca’ sponsored by the Roman Comune, which by what I can gather, is more or less a bazaar-type-deal of free entrances to museums and concerts, free food, horse racing (?... I know. I felt the same way when I heard.), etc. Every year people look forward to spending all night outside, visiting places and having a good time. This year, due to lack of funds, White Night was either postponed or just not offering much (We couldn’t figure out which it was.) But, of course, one must still celebrate, right? … even if no one else does!

Yesterday, a few other girls (Maria José and Adrianna, both from Mexico, Illiana from Romania, and Carrie) and I spent the day basically crusing the city. In the morning, visiting ‘Castel S. Angelo’(Yea St. Michael!!!) and in the afternoon visiting the Roman Forum. Two of the girls had prepared mini-tours to give us about each site. The one at ‘Castel S. Angelo’ went quite smoothly, as I am sure would have been the case for our mini tour of the Roman Forum (…if we could have figured out how to actually get IN to the Roman Forum…) More or less, we had the oppurtunity to take pictures with LOTS of monuments, ask others to take group pictures of us, which sometimes didn’t turn out so well... Us:‘Sir, could you take this picture?’ Sir:‘No.’ Us:’O.k..’What of course ended up being so awesome is the fact that later that night all of us, senza Illiana, went Salsa dancing in a nearby town, merely by a spur of the moment whim. A friend had invited us to visit this small town close to Rome just to check it out, and we mentioned how much we love to dance salsa, and pretty much that was that!

I always surprise myself when I go dancing because I always seem to forget how much I love to dance and how much joy it brings me. I think I had been focused on a few other things this week, which were and are of course important, but I need to remember how equally important it is to remember how close I feel to art, because it brings me such pure joy, and as Mother Teresa would say, joy, love, and compassion go hand in hand. You can’t be one without the other.

Amazing how we never stop learning things about ourselves. In my prayers.

Fuoco dal Cielo

I have been reading, and almost finished a book I found at the Pauline Book Store called ‘Fuoco dal Cielo’ (Fire of Heaven), written by a woman named Chiara Amirante, who is the founder of an organization/spirituality called ‘Nouvi Orizzonti’ (New Horizons). ( It was actually really funny how I came to have this book because I didn’t think I would find it, mostly because I didn’t know it’s name. BUT the sisters at the store were troopers and helped me, even though they practically moved around the whole store, merely because I asked politely…) This woman, who has suffered so greatly, but still manages to have this contagious joy and incredible love for Christ, is such an amazing inspiration, and in particular all that she does really feels close to my heart.

Since Santa Cecilia’s ‘No.’ earlier this week, I have really been praying about what to do next, pretty heavily….(Let’s just say that between your prayers and mine, God is probably like ‘Alright already! Geez!’) But also in the mean time, I have really been thinking, what COULD I do? I could finish my degree in music, but five years seems like it is definitely for me. I could get my degree in something else (Languages, Social work, etc.), but I also don’t feel like I am supposed to be doing that either. It’s not because I don’t love to learn. Knowledge, as my mom says, is something I have thirsted for all my life. But I can’t conceive just doing something, studying something, because everyone else is studying, because you have to have something to ‘back you up’. Not unless I felt it was directly routed to what I am supposed to do.

I was sitting one day, reading this book, when I came upon a line that says, ‘Il cuore di pietra che diventa un cuore di carne resta il miracolo dei miracoli.’ (In other words, a heart which was once of stone, and has converted, rests as being the miracle of miracles.) And I don’t know why, but I just started to cry and cry, like a baby! (My roommate was in the next bad reading about Vampires, and here I am being completely losing it!) ‘How TRUE is that?’, I thought. There is nothing more beautiful than a person whose heart has been truly changed, and even more so, what a blessing it is that you could possibly be a part of someone elses conversion. So I began to think, what if that’s just it? Maybe some are supposed to study become lawyers, doctors, teachers, etc. Maybe some are supposed to work in stores, fix your roads, and unclog your drains. Equally so, maybe some of us just feel so strongly that calling to help people change, that nothing else resounds in our hearts?

In any case, I feel as though I am on the RIGHT track.

I love you all. I.m.p.

A friend from home to Rome

As mentioned in my last post, Carrie is here! …which means the last two days have been really, really special, knowing that I can share all that has happened with her, especially since we now both live in ‘Casa Benedettine’ ☺ SOOO…the past few days have been quite good, roaming around the city, figuring some things out both for Carrie and I. But, I think that the best thing, the biggest blessing, is actually having her here with me.

I find it so interesting that you can meet new people everywhere you go, and establish relationships with them. You can compare things with them, love them deeply, and always engage in conversation. However, nothing is like that feeling you feel when you see someone you care about, that you haven’t seen in a while, walking up the street, down the hallway, in the airport, towards you, especially when you are so far away from home. ‘Ts wonderful :)

And so, thank you all again for your continuous prayers. And remember, now that Carrie is here, you have a NEW person to keep in your prayers.

Carrie is here!!!

Hello there everyone...

Sorry I didn't update yesterday... (I was actually quite sick, but feel better, I am sure due to all of your prayers...) 

But in better news, my friend Carrie is here from the United States is HERE...and even better news: she will be staying in the same house I am staying! What a blessed day...

I will have to update you all tomorrow. Hope all is good back home. All in my prayers, always.

Boh...

In lieu of all the stuff that has been going on, I don't know how, but in this country I am somehow capable of just relaxing. (Probably because that's all everyone does here so I am going with the flow...) Mostly, with friends I have met and girls I continue to meet that live in the house, literally from different parts of the world. I have met a girl from Iran, two from Mexico, another from Colombia, one from Argentina, etc. So it's a pretty cool cultural mix!

Last night, after saying the rosary together, a few of us sat out on the 'veranda' (O.k. so it's not REALLY a veranda...Veranda just sounds a lot better than porch...) and talked about different stories referring to two totally different cultures meeting up and how hysterical it can be. For example, one girl was talking about the time she spent in England studying English, and how she was only capable of speaking perfect English after two and a half glasses + of wine, which is probably how she helped her friend's dad who came to visit while they were in England, and he didn't know how to ask for change, follow directions, etc. but everytime they entered a bar was capable of saying 'A beer, please.' (Hysterical.) In particular, this story is what got me.

In Italy, they have a word they say quite often, which isn't even a word as much as it is a sound: Boh. Kind of like the word 'bow' meets the word 'bah' like in 'Bah-Humbug!' (Really strange..) Well my roommate is from the south of Italy and she says this word all the time, mostly when I ask her a question and she doesn't have an answer. But I would think to myself 'What the heck does 'BOH' mean? ' Like, picture the scenario: You are inquiring a question, for example 'Where is the pencil?' and the person, instead of saying 'I don't know.' says 'Boh.' (You totally get it now. right?) I finally figured out after a little bit that it means 'I dunno.' In our little group yesterday this girl who had studied in England talked about how she took Italy to England with her, and used the expression 'Boh.' all the time...And so one day, her English friend asked her ( And this is the way she recounts it...) 'What's mean 'Boh'?' ...Well, at least I'm not the only one who didn't know...

There has been a lot of praying going on together, lots of meditation, at the house, which has totally helped me so much focus on what's important and continue to put faith in God. Thus, I can say that all is o.k. here from my point. Just awaiting Carrie's arrival and visiting St. Paul once again this evening.

All with me here, in my prayers.

And finally...

As you may know, by having read my blog lately, it was today that I went to Santa Cecilia to speak to the director, and also a teacher I have been in contact with for months now (Incredibly, kind this teacher, Paola Pisa. I am actually really glad I got the chance to meet her. )

This morning, after breakfast, I headed out to Santa Cecilia by myself the whole time saying 'God. I know I am supposed to tell you that I am not afraid, and that I am really strong! But then I know I wouldn't be telling you the truth....SO ... I want to tell you that I am a scared and not to surprised when the moment comes to talk to the director, even though I know you know the future and all that I will do. But still, I figure I would be truthful now, and then later I wouldn't feel so badly because I was, in fact, being realistic. But I do realize you know everything, so please don't be annoyed by the fact that I am telling you, again...' etc. etc. (This went on for the twenty minutes I took to walk there, contemplating...) But then I finally got there, and like two seconds later, I realized Miriam had driven her moped to the school, even though she was rather occupied, because she felt like I needed someone there with me. (Totally right!) That was a major relief.

To make a long story short, we talked to the teacher I had been in contact with first, and then we talked to the assistant director, who explained to us why nothing could be done. In past years, students have been allowed to attend Santa Cecilia without a deep knowledge of the language, some of which ended up failing their courses. Also in the past year, they have cleaned up their courses, made them more challenging. Thus, students who do not have a very deep knowledge of the language (reading, writing, and speaking) can no longer attend, even if they are the world's next Maria Callas or Yo-Yo Ma. I can honestly say that if I need to be able to read, write, and speak almost perfectly to attend Santa Cecilia, than in fact, being realistic, I wouldn't say I am a great candidate, due to the fact that I am very new to the language, and it wouldn't be the truth to say I know the language as well as I know English or Spanish. I understand their policy, because I can understand their motives, even if I couldn't be an exception. This just wasn't for me.

Also important to know, the course that I would have started was called 'Institutional' and is five years long. In the past few days I have been thinking to myself, praying about this situation. Five years seems is such a long time. Besides what I have felt personally, my tendency to race, to not be patient, I feel like five years is just too a long a time. I don't know why, (I can't pretend to know where God will place me in the next five years. ) but through prayer, I don't feel like it is throwing myself into the musical world for FIVE years. I don't feel like it is the right thing to spend five years in a school studying music, where to me, that's just not the goal. Knowing everything there is to know about music, (music history, music theory, etc.) is not the goal. So while this may seem like a loss, and in a way it is because I had prepared for this trip for so long, God has helped me learn a lot through this situation, because more than anything, I have learned to examine its different aspects, and take from it so many things I have learned about myself and about precisely what God calls me to be. For now, I trust that this was, without a doubt, not the path for me, and therefore, how could I even be remotely angry?

Now, I shall see where I am to be next, all the while knowing that just when I think I have found my click, I have won the game, God has things prepared for me, and equally for us all, that we can't even begin to imagine. The biggest challenge has been letting go, taking on a continuous challenge of trust, and realizing that, in fact, even if I think the situation is awful and I hate it, and I can't comprehend what is happening, or why I have been brought there, even, this is all absolutely a product of God's love for me, as is it for us all. And, if we listen and continue to see how weak we are by ourselves, I feel like maybe we could have such a different view of God's will and workings in our lives.

As always, you are in my prayers, and I know I am also in yours because all of you are pretty amazing :)

p.s. Please pray for my friend, Carrie, who heads out to Rome tomorrow evening (U.S. time). This is a very special time for us all.

Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,
My Spirit rejoices in God my Saviour
For He has looked with favour on His lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed:
The Almighty has done great things for me,
And holy is His Name.
He has mercy on those who fear Him
In every generation.
He has shown the strength of His arm,
He has scattered the proud in their conceit.
He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,
And has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
And the rich He has sent away empty.
He has come to the help of His servant Israel
For He has remembered His promise of mercy,
The promise He made to our fathers,
To Abraham and his children for ever.
Glory to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning.
is now, and will be forever.
Amen.

Happy Feast of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary!

Trinità dei Monti

Last week, Miriam had told me she went to a chanted mass, in French, given by 'La Fraternità monastica di Gerusalemme.' which she found very inspiring. This week, for a change of scenery, and because I was very much looking forward to hearing this chanted mass.(This particular church 'Chiesa Trinità dei Monti' is at the top of the Spanish Steps. So after climbing 534,875.45 steps...) I entered this really quaint church at the top of the steps, which I am very glad I went through the challenge of getting to it.

That had to be one of the most contemplative and beautiful masses I have ever attended. There was no rushing. All the readings were slow and meditated. Everytime one of the brothers or sisters spoke, they didn't even have to try to be emphatic because you can tell they were so happy to be there. It was so incredible to watch! (I thinkI probably had a ridiculously large smile the entire time on my face...)

There were a few things in particular that REALLY spoke to me.
Music - Everything was beautifully chanted, perfectly in tune, and not overbearing. It was like paying to hear professional musicians, only five worlds better because the presence of the holy spirit was so evident in that church.
Offering of the gifts- When it was time to offer the gifts, the sisters came around to all the children in the church and asked them to come with them. When I looked back to see what was going on, the sisters had these children hold a little red candle, which after the presentation of the gifts, was offered to the Blessed Mother. (Can you imagine??? So special...)
Communion - Communion took a very long time. Here's why: When the priest was about to give someone communion, he would look at them and say, 'Le corps du Christ', in a very slow fashion, with this light in his eyes, this happiness that I can only translate into 'Look! You are about to recieve Jesus! Isn't that AMAZING??' I was blown away at how every time someone went to receive it was such a personal, intimate meeting and an explanation of its importance all in one.

For me, that culmination of togetherness, that desire to bring every parishoner in on the celebration of the mass, that joy and dedication, crossed language boundaries. An incredible mass given by, quite evidently, incredibly holy, devoted people, which I can't wait to part of again.

You see? Even though God gives us things that are trying (which can maybe be the understatement of the year) and we get so angry and so confused, I just think to myself how important it is to also take time and be so appreciative of those moments of beauty, when you really feel special, because you have been given the chance to really be a part of such sacrifice, which is the mass.

Tomorrow, I am off to Santa Cecilia to talk to one of the professors I have been in contact with. I will keep you updated. Until then, I love you all and you are in my constant prayers. God bless you.

World of Talent

Last night, after having walked all of Rome on foot to find a pair of Birkenstocks (Which I did finally buy a pair, very comfortable. Those babies are NOT cheap...) I went to a church very close to where I am staying, Basilica Maria sopra Minerva, where St. Catherine of Siena's remains are (Very good!) to see a Great Britain's National Children's Orchestra concert. (It's actually kind of funny the way it happened because I had been wanting to go see a performance, and while I had been in the church earlier in the day, I saw a sign that advertised this children's orchestra free of charge. So I was like, 'Hey! That's awesome!' and went of course. )Now, I don't ever expect things of that nature to be that great, considering can never really be too sure how good things will be anymore, especially in the music world, especially with programs, ESPECIALLY when they are free. Boy did I eat my words...

I went into the church, which was pretty much full, and waited for the concert to start. It started late (In other words, it started in Italian time...) and began with a few speaches given by the director, etc. etc. When it began, I was literally BLOWN away. Those kids were so good, I couldn't even believe it. And it wasn't as if they were playing easy repertoire, either. So out of curiousity, I looked in the program to see what this program was all about. Guess how old these children were? Just guess...7-14 years old. 7-14 YEARS OLD! That did it for me. Kudos to those children who played last night, who should have been paid, ESP the soloists. Incredible talent. I felt so good afterwards that I had gelato for dinner, just because :)

And thus I continue to learn: Rule 45 (I figure I must be nearing 45 by now)- Don't make pre-judgements. Sometimes you will be SO surprised. Rule 46- Do NOT wave your arms frantically like a crazy person from the audience, in a church, to your child because a. ...they know you are there. A simple wave is sufficient if you would like to second that notion. b...it's totally embaressing.

Very positive night for me which was much, much needed. More than anything because that music was full of such JOY, and joy is such an addicting feeling when it is real and it is pure, which was definitely evident last night.

God is good.

I Parrochini

Not too much new from this end, especially on the Santa Cecilia front, since it is the weekend, and I won't be able to do much until Monday. SO, I am taking my time to check some e-mails, and also go searching for a new pair of sandals, considering the only pair I brought with me broke while I was walking(Figures). I think I shall buy a pair of Birkenstocks, which, btw, are ridiculously popular here. I was really apalled actually. EVERYONE has a pair. It's actually pretty weird...But, when in Rome, do as the Romans do, right?...Sometimes...:) More than anything, I just need to take it easy today, and so, time for a story.

As you all know, this week Miriam accompanied me to my Italian exams, which was great, because talking to her really helped the 6 hour waiting periods pass by quickly(As much as that is even possible). On the frist day, the day which I had to wait the longest amount of time, we were telling stories of things that we have experienced, particular stories, that have really impacted our lives. Conversion stories, specific events, etc. So of course, I started to tell a story I once heard, told by a priest, who is a missionary, that has always stuck with me. While this particular priest was living in a very very poor town in the Dominican Republic, someone came into the church, where he said mass, and stole a great deal of things. So in the middle of my explaining this story, I wanted to say that the parishoners were so sad, that they began to cry. So imagine me (Most of you know how dramatic I can be, folks, especially when I am speaking of something that I felt has really impacted me.) The phrase in Italian is, ' I parrochiani(pa'-rroe-key-Aun-knee) erano triste, triste, e hanno cominciato a piangere.' Instead, with my very serious, emphatic face say 'I parrochini (pa'-rroe-KEY-knee) erano triste, triste, e hanno cominciato a piangere.' Which means 'The tupées were so, so sad, and they all started to cry.' Well, you can imagine me, thinking I am telling something so moving and Miriam bursted out in laughter. I, of course, at first, was like 'What the crap? That's not funny.' Then she apologized for laughing, which was her instinctive reaction, but then told me what I had said. And of course, I then began a series of laughter, which has stayed ever since. It is now the running joke between Miriam and I and also everyone else I have met, because I have let everyone know. Rule 1: Never take yourself too seriously. Rule 2: Amazing how just one letter makes all the difference...

All in my prayers!, as always, as I am office to purchase some Birkenstocks...Ouch. :)

Official Results and other things...

O.k... SO ... The official results are in fact in and it is, as of now :), a 'No.' But as I have said, I am in the process of getting together with a teacher/administrator at Santa Cecilia, whom I have been in contact with for almost a year now. She has expressed wanting to have an appointment with me. I shall call her and see what happens and also try to speak to the director. And then if after that NOTHING happens, than I will know I have done all that I can. Certainly, in any situation, God's will be done because I am certainly open to listening.

This day and yesterday has been real emotional ride, because, as mentioned before, this is always a very difficult thing to deal with and just saddening in general. Però(but)...I can safely say this is nothing new to me, considering situations like this have definitely happened before and in the end, it has turned out to be, not necessarily, THE best, but FOR the best, the RIGHT thing, helping me learn more about myself and persevere. As far as I am concerned, I have had so many good things happen here in Rome and still very much believe I am supposed to be here for a while. These are just trying things that happen that teach meabout myself, as a person, my weaknesses, as difficult as they are to handle.This is certainly not, however, the worst thing that has happened, will happen, or the end of the world.

As a matter of fact, something pretty interesting happened to me on my way back from Santa Cecilia, after going to see the official results of the Italian exams. I went to mass at a church nearby Santa Cecilia, and then decided I would take a route I haven't taken before, just to see and explore, and LOW AND BEHOLD, guess what I found? I was walking, look up, and on the corner of the street I see a engraved plaque, on the side of a building which in 1591 was a Jesuit hospital (That was the year the plague struck Rome and the Jesuits opened a hopsital.), that stated that in 1591 Santo Luigi Gonzaga (St. Aloysius Gonzaga) died on the octave of Corpus Christi in this building, after having suffered with being sick himself for three months. Now, that might not seem significant to the average Joe, BUT for me St. Aloysius Gonzaga is extremely meaningful, considering that it was on his feast day (June 21) of 2007 that I had a profound experience at Old St. Joseph's, Philadelphia, PA (Also ironically Jesuit), which I feel has ultimately led me here to Rome. I don't believe in coincidences. :) and remembered this, which is something St. Aloysius Gonzaga lived by, 'He who loves God does not truly love Him if he is not in a constant and ardent desire to suffer for his sake.' Did I mention he is also the Patron Saint of the Youth? And that I have recently been informed about a group named 'Nouvi Orrizonti' who works specifically with battered youth, and was formed by a woman named Chiara Amirante, who was a student of Chiara Lubich, founder of the 'Focolare'?

Things are happening and who knows what will come from them. Maybe not what I am thinking might happen. But at the same time, nothing happens that coincidentally, and God works in VERY mysterious ways.

I love you all...and am praying, ESP to St. Aloysius Gonzaga... ;)

And so...

...I regret to say that I didn't pass my Italian Exam for Santa Cecilia, or those are at least the tentitive results. (They haven't been made official yet.)

I will explain the situation. This year there were 120 foreign candidates up for auditioning, of which the top 7 seven, and only the top 7, are invited back for an audition. This situation was made up due to the fact that in the past years so many people were allowed to audition after having a very easy/leniant Italian exam. Then it would happen that the people chosen for the school after the audition were, in fact, wonderful, very talented, but when it came to studying and going profoundly into different subjects, they couldn't understand what was going on, and would basically, as I understood, fail. This year is the first year they've adapted a system to change this situation. However, at all ends, the director of the school is the one who makes the final choices and decides who can audition. SOO, tomorrow I will return with Miriam, who took down the director's telephone number, so that we can make an appointment to talk to her about the situation. And also, I will talk with another professor I have been in contact with for the past few months.

In other words, I do in fact feel like I am supposed to fight for an audition at least and see what happens. THAT is very important for me to do. (And in fact reading today's reading's really 'concreted' that notion.) For one, I feel like it is what I have been brought here to do, and perhaps this is just something I have to work really hard for. And also, if I don't, I will always remember, 'Hmmm...I really felt like I should have worked for that, and I didn't because I was afraid to.' So I will try. And if I try and have no success, well than it will be saddening, as it always is when you audition and aren't accepted, especially after you have worked really hard, but at the same time, I will know that it wasn't God's will, as HARD as that is to accept, it's just the truth. And it always happens, at least in my life and I know that it must also in the lives of many others, that we are so dissapointed by these things and think how unjust it is that God took 'something away' that we worked so hard for, only to find out that the next thing we do ended up to be far more meaningful, and far more important in our lives, and most of all in the lives of those we can help, even though we are incapable of seeing how that works at first. Quindi(therefore), we shall what happens. Whichever way this situation goes, not that it will at all be easy to handle, it will be what's best. That just means God has something much bigger in store (Oh man...I can't even imagine what THAT would be like...) But this, I have rock solid faith in.

As always, from the city where everyone yells at you for no reason and you are told you can only practice at midnight, very lowly, so that no one can hear you, in my prayers, folks.

p.s. PLEASE continue to pray that I receive the virtue of patience and understanding, as I tend to want to say, to quote Minnie Driver in Return to Me, 'WHAT WAS GOD THINKING????' :)

Love you all...

Yesterday,The day before,Today and Tomorrow, and BEYOND!

So I am anxiously awaiting for tomorrow to find out, if in fact, I passed that Italian Exam. (Please pray for me that I did!)

Some interesting things on today's front: I have a new roommate! (I was saying in a double room, but when I came, no one was there so I had a room to myself.) She is a 19 year old girl from Sicily who has SO much energy that it's hard to keep up with her...My goodness. But other than that, she is a very kind person who probably needs someone calm in her life. I HOPE that's where I come in.

These past few days have been very trying for me, as you have read, because they have truly been chaotic. I feel very blessed that I have friends here to help me through, and also all of you back home who are keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. (You're all the best!) I truly feel like I am fitting in here, BUT that doesn't take away from how much I miss you all. Oh man. No one here is as AWESOME as any one of you, that's just the bottom line. But, I shall make due as best I can. (Keep in mind that if I win the lottery, all of you will have magic plane tickets that can fly you here at any time, ALL the time.)

I love you all, and I will keep you up to date on Santa Cecilia. In my prayers, always.

ciao ciao

Santa Cecilia 'Italian Exam':Second and Final Round

Well everyone, I have officially finished my Italian exam and the verdict should be in within the next few days (Or so they say...) I am just so glad it's over because this has been a lot of chaos taken off of my back, consistent over the past two days.

Miriam and I, left this morning, but stopped on our way for a coffee break. (Yea right...Like after yesterday's events I was really going to believe they were going to start precisely at 9a.m.) After having a cappucino with a heart drawn into the foam, we headed over to the school, which was SPLITTING with students...Again. Though, this morning, most of them were there for a Solfeggio test (Uh-oh...) Yet anyway, we waited in the lobby for about an hour and a few girls walked by, only to result in Miriam informing me that they forgot to put on pants this morning. (They are called SHIRTS and are NOT to be worn as DRESSES...Mamma mia...) We waited for about an hour downstairs and since nothing was really being said, decided we would walk around looking for something to do in the mean time. We went across the street to this 'Pop Art' store which had the most offensive merchandise with pictures of the Blessed Mother. Miriam informed the owner that her merchandise was in awful taste, and that it was her perogative to sell what she thought was art, but that this 'art' she was selling was pretty terrible. (Good for her!) At that point, we get back to Santa Cecilia only to realize we misunderstood the instructions that morning and that the interviews were UPSTAIRS today! So we of course race up the stairs. Were told that they are held in room 12. Are they in room 12 though? Of COURSE not. They are in room 5, which is apparently on the other side of the building, running of course. When we get there, they haven't even begun and we had to wait about another hour before my test, which in the mean time, we met a few really interesting people from all parts of the world, not going to lie, mostly Korea. And we joked about the chaos. BUT then magically, my name was called, and well, I was made to read about St. Michael the Archangel. Can you imagine? What are the odds, because the readings are different for everyone, that I would have to read about St. Michael, especially since we had been talking about him that morning? Pretty awesome. I suppose I did well, because contrary to yesterday, I went in and went out in less than 5 minutes. Miriam says piece of cake, piece of pie and so did some of the teachers I met in the hallways, who couldn't believe I was an American. And then I told them my parents are from Colombia and Puerto Rico and they went, 'Ohhh... That's why.' God willing, I should know the results in two days.

Until then, you're in my hearts and in my prayers always.

Much love from the land of chaos and art.

Santa Cecilia: Round One

Today was the 'first half' (or one-tenth, who can say for sure?) of my Italian Entrance Exam for Santa Cecilia. As expected:Chaos.Miriam has offered to accompany me (Bless her soul...) to all of my Italian Exams (You will understand why I say 'all' in just a second.), and thank goodness because what would I do between the five hour wait periods without someone to talk to???

We arrived this morning at Santa Cecilia at 8:45 for a test that began at 9. After being there for ten minutes, we were witnesses of a room full of 120 foreign students waiting to take their Italian exam (You can imagine how that proceeded for role call, huh?) . Because we are in Italy, things became situated at aruond 10:30 at which time they passed out the Italian Written test, which was SOOO confusing, but doesn't count nearly as much as the oral, again, thank goodness. We had forty minutes to complete this test. I finished number 19. Afterwards, they tell us we will go in order of having finished our exam, and they will take 60 people today. So I think to myself 'YAY!' and then took it back in like three seconds.

One of the people in charge says to us, 'It will be an hour before we will begin. Please feel free to go shopping, eat gelato, drink a coffee. BUT be back in an hour! That's when we will begin.' This is at 11:30. We figure we have until 12:30-40.So Miriam and I return home. We eat lunch. We run a few errands and even think we will be late, which we in fact were. Question: Were WE late afterall? Response: NO!! The teachers were late. ONE HOUR late. Uh-oh...Here we go.

Let me just say that I might as well have been number 756,687 because well, they didn't quite keep with the whole number things. Somehow, I am still unsure how, they made up this system of lists where they choose a few students per list. I looked at the table. Like twenty lists. Uh oh. The interviews begin. There is ONE person giving interviews(There are two other teachers there, basically talking to the students about how much they like chocolate gelato more than teaching...I swear!)Twenty minutes with each student, give or take. Depends on whether she likes you and wants to have a longer conversation with you. (Remember: There are 60 people in this room. You do the math.) This person decides she wants to get a coffee. Comes back a little later. Around three, my friend has to leave. I wait. Look around at the different students. Drink a soda. Walk around. Look at the ceiling. Talk with another girl about how the people giving the test have lost their mind. (At which point, I notice how intricate their list system is and try to follow, but I think my mind is incable of working that way...) At 6p.m, one of the teachers there, NOT the one who is giving the interviews announces there will only be time for a few more students. So I take the time to go and ask if I will be next. I mean I have to to be next! I was number 19!...'No. You have to return tomorrow.' At that point, a girl who has clearly lived in Rome for a long time got in a screaming match with the lady who was giving the interviews. QUITE intense.

And yes, folks. This, without exaggeration, was my first day, of which I expect many, Italian Language Exam.

Please keep me in your prayers and pray that Rosie receive the virtue of PATIENCE! Mamma mia...

Mentorella

Yesterday, virtually all day, after mass, I went with a few new friends to a sanctuary on a mountain called 'Santuario Madre delle Grazie Mentorella', which is of course way on the outskirts of Rome and you have to drive to get there (Did I mention how scarily the Italians drives?...O.k...VERY scarily...Thankfully not my driver...Most of the time :) Basically, it is this beautiful little church in this mountain town called Prenestina. We went because it was the anniversary of JP2's last visit there, and they were having a special feast, with very good desserts, of which my friend, Ana, ate 10. 'I had two yellow...three white...one red...etc.'

That mountain had the most SPECTACULAR view of Rome. Unfortunately for me, I didn't bring a coat and it was cold, so I probably didn't enjoy it as much as I could have, BUT it was still really incredible. At night, you can see Rome from a distance and it is illuminated just like New York from North Jersey, only much cooler because you know it is Rome, and really you're just thinking about center Rome.

Afterwards we went to eat at this Italian Churrascheria...I call it that because 'tis what we could call it in Spanish!... where I witnessed first hand how much they all love food. (You know what I find most interesting? That back home when we order something like steak, it comes with with two sides (Rice, Mashed Potatoes, Macarroni and Cheese, Jello, etc.), but in this country, when you order 'steak', I mean, it's literally just the biggest steak you have ever seen, without anything else, except maybe bread. I, the vegetable lover,say this will take some getting used to...) Of course, quite the scandal on the way home getting lost because we were letting ourselves be guided by a GPS system (I swear those things are more trouble than what they are worth...), which resulted in my arriving late for the second time this week, adding to my weirdness with my sisters after having 'broken' my bed a few nights before and pretending I was in charge of the vending machines. And so my new friends say, 'We can just say we were stopped by a cop and they asked for Rocio's 'Permesso di Sogiorno' and she didn't have it.' SUREEeee...Blame the American. What a day...haha

'She'sa O.K.!'

I am in fact o.k. It's just been a few hectic days, both good and bad.

But I just wanted to say that this time here, as short as it has been, has been VERY strong spiritually, which I know comes off in my blog, or at least I hope it does. That doesn't mean that everything is perfect, I don't expect it to be, and neither should anyone else. But in the same form, we all go through so much daily that I just don't want to waste what little time I have talking to you all via-blog complaining about a country, to which I came fully aware of its chaos.

As the Italians themselves would say, 'STAI TRANQUILO(A)!'