I have been reading, and almost finished a book I found at the Pauline Book Store called ‘Fuoco dal Cielo’ (Fire of Heaven), written by a woman named Chiara Amirante, who is the founder of an organization/spirituality called ‘Nouvi Orizzonti’ (New Horizons). ( It was actually really funny how I came to have this book because I didn’t think I would find it, mostly because I didn’t know it’s name. BUT the sisters at the store were troopers and helped me, even though they practically moved around the whole store, merely because I asked politely…) This woman, who has suffered so greatly, but still manages to have this contagious joy and incredible love for Christ, is such an amazing inspiration, and in particular all that she does really feels close to my heart.
Since Santa Cecilia’s ‘No.’ earlier this week, I have really been praying about what to do next, pretty heavily….(Let’s just say that between your prayers and mine, God is probably like ‘Alright already! Geez!’) But also in the mean time, I have really been thinking, what COULD I do? I could finish my degree in music, but five years seems like it is definitely for me. I could get my degree in something else (Languages, Social work, etc.), but I also don’t feel like I am supposed to be doing that either. It’s not because I don’t love to learn. Knowledge, as my mom says, is something I have thirsted for all my life. But I can’t conceive just doing something, studying something, because everyone else is studying, because you have to have something to ‘back you up’. Not unless I felt it was directly routed to what I am supposed to do.
I was sitting one day, reading this book, when I came upon a line that says, ‘Il cuore di pietra che diventa un cuore di carne resta il miracolo dei miracoli.’ (In other words, a heart which was once of stone, and has converted, rests as being the miracle of miracles.) And I don’t know why, but I just started to cry and cry, like a baby! (My roommate was in the next bad reading about Vampires, and here I am being completely losing it!) ‘How TRUE is that?’, I thought. There is nothing more beautiful than a person whose heart has been truly changed, and even more so, what a blessing it is that you could possibly be a part of someone elses conversion. So I began to think, what if that’s just it? Maybe some are supposed to study become lawyers, doctors, teachers, etc. Maybe some are supposed to work in stores, fix your roads, and unclog your drains. Equally so, maybe some of us just feel so strongly that calling to help people change, that nothing else resounds in our hearts?
In any case, I feel as though I am on the RIGHT track.
I love you all. I.m.p.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
A friend from home to Rome
As mentioned in my last post, Carrie is here! …which means the last two days have been really, really special, knowing that I can share all that has happened with her, especially since we now both live in ‘Casa Benedettine’ ☺ SOOO…the past few days have been quite good, roaming around the city, figuring some things out both for Carrie and I. But, I think that the best thing, the biggest blessing, is actually having her here with me.
I find it so interesting that you can meet new people everywhere you go, and establish relationships with them. You can compare things with them, love them deeply, and always engage in conversation. However, nothing is like that feeling you feel when you see someone you care about, that you haven’t seen in a while, walking up the street, down the hallway, in the airport, towards you, especially when you are so far away from home. ‘Ts wonderful :)
And so, thank you all again for your continuous prayers. And remember, now that Carrie is here, you have a NEW person to keep in your prayers.
I find it so interesting that you can meet new people everywhere you go, and establish relationships with them. You can compare things with them, love them deeply, and always engage in conversation. However, nothing is like that feeling you feel when you see someone you care about, that you haven’t seen in a while, walking up the street, down the hallway, in the airport, towards you, especially when you are so far away from home. ‘Ts wonderful :)
And so, thank you all again for your continuous prayers. And remember, now that Carrie is here, you have a NEW person to keep in your prayers.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Carrie is here!!!
Hello there everyone...
Sorry I didn't update yesterday... (I was actually quite sick, but feel better, I am sure due to all of your prayers...)
But in better news, my friend Carrie is here from the United States is HERE...and even better news: she will be staying in the same house I am staying! What a blessed day...
I will have to update you all tomorrow. Hope all is good back home. All in my prayers, always.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Boh...
In lieu of all the stuff that has been going on, I don't know how, but in this country I am somehow capable of just relaxing. (Probably because that's all everyone does here so I am going with the flow...) Mostly, with friends I have met and girls I continue to meet that live in the house, literally from different parts of the world. I have met a girl from Iran, two from Mexico, another from Colombia, one from Argentina, etc. So it's a pretty cool cultural mix!
Last night, after saying the rosary together, a few of us sat out on the 'veranda' (O.k. so it's not REALLY a veranda...Veranda just sounds a lot better than porch...) and talked about different stories referring to two totally different cultures meeting up and how hysterical it can be. For example, one girl was talking about the time she spent in England studying English, and how she was only capable of speaking perfect English after two and a half glasses + of wine, which is probably how she helped her friend's dad who came to visit while they were in England, and he didn't know how to ask for change, follow directions, etc. but everytime they entered a bar was capable of saying 'A beer, please.' (Hysterical.) In particular, this story is what got me.
In Italy, they have a word they say quite often, which isn't even a word as much as it is a sound: Boh. Kind of like the word 'bow' meets the word 'bah' like in 'Bah-Humbug!' (Really strange..) Well my roommate is from the south of Italy and she says this word all the time, mostly when I ask her a question and she doesn't have an answer. But I would think to myself 'What the heck does 'BOH' mean? ' Like, picture the scenario: You are inquiring a question, for example 'Where is the pencil?' and the person, instead of saying 'I don't know.' says 'Boh.' (You totally get it now. right?) I finally figured out after a little bit that it means 'I dunno.' In our little group yesterday this girl who had studied in England talked about how she took Italy to England with her, and used the expression 'Boh.' all the time...And so one day, her English friend asked her ( And this is the way she recounts it...) 'What's mean 'Boh'?' ...Well, at least I'm not the only one who didn't know...
There has been a lot of praying going on together, lots of meditation, at the house, which has totally helped me so much focus on what's important and continue to put faith in God. Thus, I can say that all is o.k. here from my point. Just awaiting Carrie's arrival and visiting St. Paul once again this evening.
All with me here, in my prayers.
Last night, after saying the rosary together, a few of us sat out on the 'veranda' (O.k. so it's not REALLY a veranda...Veranda just sounds a lot better than porch...) and talked about different stories referring to two totally different cultures meeting up and how hysterical it can be. For example, one girl was talking about the time she spent in England studying English, and how she was only capable of speaking perfect English after two and a half glasses + of wine, which is probably how she helped her friend's dad who came to visit while they were in England, and he didn't know how to ask for change, follow directions, etc. but everytime they entered a bar was capable of saying 'A beer, please.' (Hysterical.) In particular, this story is what got me.
In Italy, they have a word they say quite often, which isn't even a word as much as it is a sound: Boh. Kind of like the word 'bow' meets the word 'bah' like in 'Bah-Humbug!' (Really strange..) Well my roommate is from the south of Italy and she says this word all the time, mostly when I ask her a question and she doesn't have an answer. But I would think to myself 'What the heck does 'BOH' mean? ' Like, picture the scenario: You are inquiring a question, for example 'Where is the pencil?' and the person, instead of saying 'I don't know.' says 'Boh.' (You totally get it now. right?) I finally figured out after a little bit that it means 'I dunno.' In our little group yesterday this girl who had studied in England talked about how she took Italy to England with her, and used the expression 'Boh.' all the time...And so one day, her English friend asked her ( And this is the way she recounts it...) 'What's mean 'Boh'?' ...Well, at least I'm not the only one who didn't know...
There has been a lot of praying going on together, lots of meditation, at the house, which has totally helped me so much focus on what's important and continue to put faith in God. Thus, I can say that all is o.k. here from my point. Just awaiting Carrie's arrival and visiting St. Paul once again this evening.
All with me here, in my prayers.
Monday, September 8, 2008
And finally...
As you may know, by having read my blog lately, it was today that I went to Santa Cecilia to speak to the director, and also a teacher I have been in contact with for months now (Incredibly, kind this teacher, Paola Pisa. I am actually really glad I got the chance to meet her. )
This morning, after breakfast, I headed out to Santa Cecilia by myself the whole time saying 'God. I know I am supposed to tell you that I am not afraid, and that I am really strong! But then I know I wouldn't be telling you the truth....SO ... I want to tell you that I am a scared and not to surprised when the moment comes to talk to the director, even though I know you know the future and all that I will do. But still, I figure I would be truthful now, and then later I wouldn't feel so badly because I was, in fact, being realistic. But I do realize you know everything, so please don't be annoyed by the fact that I am telling you, again...' etc. etc. (This went on for the twenty minutes I took to walk there, contemplating...) But then I finally got there, and like two seconds later, I realized Miriam had driven her moped to the school, even though she was rather occupied, because she felt like I needed someone there with me. (Totally right!) That was a major relief.
To make a long story short, we talked to the teacher I had been in contact with first, and then we talked to the assistant director, who explained to us why nothing could be done. In past years, students have been allowed to attend Santa Cecilia without a deep knowledge of the language, some of which ended up failing their courses. Also in the past year, they have cleaned up their courses, made them more challenging. Thus, students who do not have a very deep knowledge of the language (reading, writing, and speaking) can no longer attend, even if they are the world's next Maria Callas or Yo-Yo Ma. I can honestly say that if I need to be able to read, write, and speak almost perfectly to attend Santa Cecilia, than in fact, being realistic, I wouldn't say I am a great candidate, due to the fact that I am very new to the language, and it wouldn't be the truth to say I know the language as well as I know English or Spanish. I understand their policy, because I can understand their motives, even if I couldn't be an exception. This just wasn't for me.
Also important to know, the course that I would have started was called 'Institutional' and is five years long. In the past few days I have been thinking to myself, praying about this situation. Five years seems is such a long time. Besides what I have felt personally, my tendency to race, to not be patient, I feel like five years is just too a long a time. I don't know why, (I can't pretend to know where God will place me in the next five years. ) but through prayer, I don't feel like it is throwing myself into the musical world for FIVE years. I don't feel like it is the right thing to spend five years in a school studying music, where to me, that's just not the goal. Knowing everything there is to know about music, (music history, music theory, etc.) is not the goal. So while this may seem like a loss, and in a way it is because I had prepared for this trip for so long, God has helped me learn a lot through this situation, because more than anything, I have learned to examine its different aspects, and take from it so many things I have learned about myself and about precisely what God calls me to be. For now, I trust that this was, without a doubt, not the path for me, and therefore, how could I even be remotely angry?
Now, I shall see where I am to be next, all the while knowing that just when I think I have found my click, I have won the game, God has things prepared for me, and equally for us all, that we can't even begin to imagine. The biggest challenge has been letting go, taking on a continuous challenge of trust, and realizing that, in fact, even if I think the situation is awful and I hate it, and I can't comprehend what is happening, or why I have been brought there, even, this is all absolutely a product of God's love for me, as is it for us all. And, if we listen and continue to see how weak we are by ourselves, I feel like maybe we could have such a different view of God's will and workings in our lives.
As always, you are in my prayers, and I know I am also in yours because all of you are pretty amazing :)
p.s. Please pray for my friend, Carrie, who heads out to Rome tomorrow evening (U.S. time). This is a very special time for us all.
This morning, after breakfast, I headed out to Santa Cecilia by myself the whole time saying 'God. I know I am supposed to tell you that I am not afraid, and that I am really strong! But then I know I wouldn't be telling you the truth....SO ... I want to tell you that I am a scared and not to surprised when the moment comes to talk to the director, even though I know you know the future and all that I will do. But still, I figure I would be truthful now, and then later I wouldn't feel so badly because I was, in fact, being realistic. But I do realize you know everything, so please don't be annoyed by the fact that I am telling you, again...' etc. etc. (This went on for the twenty minutes I took to walk there, contemplating...) But then I finally got there, and like two seconds later, I realized Miriam had driven her moped to the school, even though she was rather occupied, because she felt like I needed someone there with me. (Totally right!) That was a major relief.
To make a long story short, we talked to the teacher I had been in contact with first, and then we talked to the assistant director, who explained to us why nothing could be done. In past years, students have been allowed to attend Santa Cecilia without a deep knowledge of the language, some of which ended up failing their courses. Also in the past year, they have cleaned up their courses, made them more challenging. Thus, students who do not have a very deep knowledge of the language (reading, writing, and speaking) can no longer attend, even if they are the world's next Maria Callas or Yo-Yo Ma. I can honestly say that if I need to be able to read, write, and speak almost perfectly to attend Santa Cecilia, than in fact, being realistic, I wouldn't say I am a great candidate, due to the fact that I am very new to the language, and it wouldn't be the truth to say I know the language as well as I know English or Spanish. I understand their policy, because I can understand their motives, even if I couldn't be an exception. This just wasn't for me.
Also important to know, the course that I would have started was called 'Institutional' and is five years long. In the past few days I have been thinking to myself, praying about this situation. Five years seems is such a long time. Besides what I have felt personally, my tendency to race, to not be patient, I feel like five years is just too a long a time. I don't know why, (I can't pretend to know where God will place me in the next five years. ) but through prayer, I don't feel like it is throwing myself into the musical world for FIVE years. I don't feel like it is the right thing to spend five years in a school studying music, where to me, that's just not the goal. Knowing everything there is to know about music, (music history, music theory, etc.) is not the goal. So while this may seem like a loss, and in a way it is because I had prepared for this trip for so long, God has helped me learn a lot through this situation, because more than anything, I have learned to examine its different aspects, and take from it so many things I have learned about myself and about precisely what God calls me to be. For now, I trust that this was, without a doubt, not the path for me, and therefore, how could I even be remotely angry?
Now, I shall see where I am to be next, all the while knowing that just when I think I have found my click, I have won the game, God has things prepared for me, and equally for us all, that we can't even begin to imagine. The biggest challenge has been letting go, taking on a continuous challenge of trust, and realizing that, in fact, even if I think the situation is awful and I hate it, and I can't comprehend what is happening, or why I have been brought there, even, this is all absolutely a product of God's love for me, as is it for us all. And, if we listen and continue to see how weak we are by ourselves, I feel like maybe we could have such a different view of God's will and workings in our lives.
As always, you are in my prayers, and I know I am also in yours because all of you are pretty amazing :)
p.s. Please pray for my friend, Carrie, who heads out to Rome tomorrow evening (U.S. time). This is a very special time for us all.
Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary
My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,
My Spirit rejoices in God my Saviour
For He has looked with favour on His lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed:
The Almighty has done great things for me,
And holy is His Name.
He has mercy on those who fear Him
In every generation.
He has shown the strength of His arm,
He has scattered the proud in their conceit.
He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,
And has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
And the rich He has sent away empty.
He has come to the help of His servant Israel
For He has remembered His promise of mercy,
The promise He made to our fathers,
To Abraham and his children for ever.
Glory to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning.
is now, and will be forever.
Amen.
My Spirit rejoices in God my Saviour
For He has looked with favour on His lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed:
The Almighty has done great things for me,
And holy is His Name.
He has mercy on those who fear Him
In every generation.
He has shown the strength of His arm,
He has scattered the proud in their conceit.
He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,
And has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
And the rich He has sent away empty.
He has come to the help of His servant Israel
For He has remembered His promise of mercy,
The promise He made to our fathers,
To Abraham and his children for ever.
Glory to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning.
is now, and will be forever.
Amen.
Happy Feast of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Trinità dei Monti
Last week, Miriam had told me she went to a chanted mass, in French, given by 'La Fraternità monastica di Gerusalemme.' which she found very inspiring. This week, for a change of scenery, and because I was very much looking forward to hearing this chanted mass.(This particular church 'Chiesa Trinità dei Monti' is at the top of the Spanish Steps. So after climbing 534,875.45 steps...) I entered this really quaint church at the top of the steps, which I am very glad I went through the challenge of getting to it.
That had to be one of the most contemplative and beautiful masses I have ever attended. There was no rushing. All the readings were slow and meditated. Everytime one of the brothers or sisters spoke, they didn't even have to try to be emphatic because you can tell they were so happy to be there. It was so incredible to watch! (I thinkI probably had a ridiculously large smile the entire time on my face...)
There were a few things in particular that REALLY spoke to me.
Music - Everything was beautifully chanted, perfectly in tune, and not overbearing. It was like paying to hear professional musicians, only five worlds better because the presence of the holy spirit was so evident in that church.
Offering of the gifts- When it was time to offer the gifts, the sisters came around to all the children in the church and asked them to come with them. When I looked back to see what was going on, the sisters had these children hold a little red candle, which after the presentation of the gifts, was offered to the Blessed Mother. (Can you imagine??? So special...)
Communion - Communion took a very long time. Here's why: When the priest was about to give someone communion, he would look at them and say, 'Le corps du Christ', in a very slow fashion, with this light in his eyes, this happiness that I can only translate into 'Look! You are about to recieve Jesus! Isn't that AMAZING??' I was blown away at how every time someone went to receive it was such a personal, intimate meeting and an explanation of its importance all in one.
For me, that culmination of togetherness, that desire to bring every parishoner in on the celebration of the mass, that joy and dedication, crossed language boundaries. An incredible mass given by, quite evidently, incredibly holy, devoted people, which I can't wait to part of again.
You see? Even though God gives us things that are trying (which can maybe be the understatement of the year) and we get so angry and so confused, I just think to myself how important it is to also take time and be so appreciative of those moments of beauty, when you really feel special, because you have been given the chance to really be a part of such sacrifice, which is the mass.
Tomorrow, I am off to Santa Cecilia to talk to one of the professors I have been in contact with. I will keep you updated. Until then, I love you all and you are in my constant prayers. God bless you.
That had to be one of the most contemplative and beautiful masses I have ever attended. There was no rushing. All the readings were slow and meditated. Everytime one of the brothers or sisters spoke, they didn't even have to try to be emphatic because you can tell they were so happy to be there. It was so incredible to watch! (I thinkI probably had a ridiculously large smile the entire time on my face...)
There were a few things in particular that REALLY spoke to me.
Music - Everything was beautifully chanted, perfectly in tune, and not overbearing. It was like paying to hear professional musicians, only five worlds better because the presence of the holy spirit was so evident in that church.
Offering of the gifts- When it was time to offer the gifts, the sisters came around to all the children in the church and asked them to come with them. When I looked back to see what was going on, the sisters had these children hold a little red candle, which after the presentation of the gifts, was offered to the Blessed Mother. (Can you imagine??? So special...)
Communion - Communion took a very long time. Here's why: When the priest was about to give someone communion, he would look at them and say, 'Le corps du Christ', in a very slow fashion, with this light in his eyes, this happiness that I can only translate into 'Look! You are about to recieve Jesus! Isn't that AMAZING??' I was blown away at how every time someone went to receive it was such a personal, intimate meeting and an explanation of its importance all in one.
For me, that culmination of togetherness, that desire to bring every parishoner in on the celebration of the mass, that joy and dedication, crossed language boundaries. An incredible mass given by, quite evidently, incredibly holy, devoted people, which I can't wait to part of again.
You see? Even though God gives us things that are trying (which can maybe be the understatement of the year) and we get so angry and so confused, I just think to myself how important it is to also take time and be so appreciative of those moments of beauty, when you really feel special, because you have been given the chance to really be a part of such sacrifice, which is the mass.
Tomorrow, I am off to Santa Cecilia to talk to one of the professors I have been in contact with. I will keep you updated. Until then, I love you all and you are in my constant prayers. God bless you.
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