Assisi!

One of the most incredible, holy, pacific, peace-filled places in the world...I can't wait to go back!

This is a picture of my friends and I in front of St. Claire's Basilica.
(From left to right: Anna, Carrie, Elisabetta, Carina, Adriana, and I)

What did you do now?

You know, thank goodness I have lots of personality because if not…who KNOWS what the Sisters would think of me. Saturday marked a month of my being here with the Benedictine Sisters, and if all the things I have managed to do in a month haven’t made them think I am crazy, than I figure I am in good shape. ☺

First, for all of you to understand the intensity of why they might think I am little abnormal, I will go down a checklist of things that have happened:

1. My first few nights here, I sat down on the bed, and ‘BOOM!’, it fell to the ground. Now, you can just imagine that one can’t you? And of course, the next morning when it was my job to tell the sisters, ‘Excuse me, but my bed broke.’ and then of course one of them coming to see and asking me with a very puzzled look, ‘What did you do???’ Truthfully, nothing! After observing the bed, I realized that it had been fixed more than one time.
2. I was sitting in the dining room, and went to sit back in my chair a little bit, and again, no surprise, I broke the back of the chair. How does one break the back of a chair, you ask? This one, I wish I could answer, and simply, I can not.
3. Last Sunday, I ‘lost’ my keys. Because I didn’t realize I had left them in my friend’s room, I was sure that I had locked them in my new closet. So, very reluctantly, but realizing there was no way around it, I go up to the front desk to ask one of the sisters at 8:30 a.m. for help. What’s the first thing she asks? ‘Well Rocio, what have you done now so early in the morning?’ She, telling me they lost the replacement key for the closet, manages a way to get the closet open a little bit ONLY to realize that the keys are NOT in the closet. Incredible. Again, they were in my friends room.
4. This morning, because I have been sick and because I usually cover myself with water when I wash clothes by hand, I decided I would use the washing machine. This is something I usually refrain from because each load is 3.50 euro. BUT I didn’t want to risk getting sick again, and because I hadn’t washed things in a while, the piles of clothes had really accumulated (towels, p.j.’s, etc.) SO, I walked upstairs to where there are two washing machines. One of the washing machines was occupied, so I decided I would use the other ones. All was going peachy until one of the sisters began to yell at me. ‘Why?’, you ask? Well because I was, as expected, using the sister’s PRIVATE washing machine which needs a lot of clothing in it or it will break due to its industrial size. I explained to them that the day I arrived and was shown everything I was really overwhelmed and perhaps didn’t understand correctly…Well, DEFINITELY didn’t understand correctly.

And I am sure I can add lots of other things to list, but ‘PHEW!’, so many times of having to explain myself. Trying to tell them I am a highly sensitive person, absent-minded type seven, ENTP, who gets overwhelmed when someone mentions the word ‘caffeine’. All just so in ends they look at me and think, ‘Child, where did you come from?’ And by the same token, I know they love me.

If there is one thing I find incredible about certain people is how, besides your absent mind, your inability to care about things of this world, your idea that ‘Everything that’s mine is yours and everything that’s yours is mine!’, they can still care about you enough to know that underneath all of those things, there are parts of you that are golden, and therefore mean so much more than any kind of ‘mistake’ you may commit, merely because, you can’t understand being any way else. (*How do you fix a problem like, Rocio…*) Likewise, while it is hard for me to accept failing, being disliked for even one second, having a ‘bad reputation’: These Sisters have a house to run!!!

And so, thanking God that at least He doesn’t take my clearly unworldly actions into consideration (Or, at least, I sure hope not!), I realize that I am in ways different from people, in ways not. But, at the end of the day, I wouldn’t say that I would want to give up anything about myself, especially now, to try and triumph in other things, for at that point, I would risk letting go of all the blessings I HAVE been given. And likewise, no one else should change their own personal blessings, because it is in the differences that we can learn to be Christians and appreciate each other, working as a unit.

I leave with a passage from a book I have been reading that has so served for my own personal reflections, in hopes that perhaps it may do the same for you:

‘Accept that even at your best time, as a human being, you instinctively tend
towards sin. With a clear light, realize that the bottom of your heart is ego-centric,
selfish, jealous, aggressive, avid, and that the devil, who accosts your brothers and
sisters and works in the darkness, works heavily through these things in order to
devour you.
To open yourself to love, you must continuously get tired of the power of
non-love. Without this newfound humility and conversion, you will never be able
to truly love.
How much more you learn to love your brothers and sisters, is how much more
you will learn to love and accept yourself.
If things are unified, they will be unifying; if calm; calming. Love yourself with
humility and pride, with the love that which God Himself loves you. In turn, with
this as your foundation, love your brothers and sisters as you love and accept
yourself. ‘

‘Monaci Nelle Città: Libro di Vita’ – Fraternità Monastiche di Gerusalemme

And as always, you are in my prayers. I love you all.

Whassup ma ciccia (chee-cha)????

In Roman slang, CICCIA (chee-cha), which I know, is a rather not nice word in the Spanish language, means 'sista'. You can imagine how that was for me the first time I heard THAT word. MUCH more exciting than 'Boh...'.

I have been a little under the weather with the climate change (really pretty drastic... hot one day, really cool the next...) with a cold, but don't you worry, I have about four friends all in line to take care of me. Really incredible how maternal Italian women are! Sylvia, my old roommate (I had to switch rooms because her permanent roommate is coming back on Sunday ... We were both really sad! ) has been taking such good care of me...

'Rocio, cos' hai mangiato oggi?' (What did you eat today?) ... me- 'Ho mangiato un po' di cereale.' (I had some cereal.) ... 'Ma tu sei matta! Tu devi mangiare!!!' (You're nuts! You need to eat more!) ... me- ' Però ho mangiato...' (But I did eat)... ' Ma dai Rocio?!... Tu devi mangiare...' (REALLY, Rocio? ... You should eat...)

And this has been the way it has gone for two days, making me eat, giving me medication, making me wear a sweater, yelling at me because I am next to a window, telling me that I need to stay under my quilt the WHOLE day, etc. etc. Really interesting things. (P.S. Can I just tell you that the medication here is completely different? Maybe different in the sense that it wouldn't be FDA approved in the United States? Seriously, in the US we use saline nose drops. HERE, they use these 'protein drops', which don't get me wrong, work REALLY really well, but they are like black ink... Kid you not. ) AND due to all of this love I am feeling much better. :)

I hope I am feeling even better by tomorrow morning because we are taking a day trip to ASSISI! I am sooooo incredibly excited to go and see the home of one of the most inspirational saints of all time, St. Francis. If I do get to go, I will have so much to tell you.

SO until my later my dears. Please remember that I keep you always, always in my prayers and in my constant thoughts.

And to close:

Signore, fa' di me uno strumento della tua pace.

Dove c'è l'odio, io porti amore.
Dove c'è discordia, io porti l'unione.
Dove c'è errore, io porti la verità.
Dove c'è dubbio, io porti la fede.
Dove c'è disperazione, io porti la speranza.

O Divino Maestro,
che io non cerchi tanto di essere consolato quanto di consolare.
Non di essere compreso quanto di comprendere.
Non di essere amato quanto di amare.

Infatti: donando si riceve.
Dimenticandosi si trova comprensione.
Perdonando si è perdonati.
Morendo si riuscita alla vera VITA.

'Rosie, I think the Pope almost ran us over.'

Guess who went to a Papal audience this morning???? ME!

It just so happens that yesterday while Miriam, Carrie, and I were at the Vatican, we conveniently remembered that they were in the hours of giving out tickets for the Papal audience the next morning. Soooooo awesome :)

And then, conveniently on the way back, Carrie and I were talking, not paying attention, when we walked into the street, precisely at the moment three black cars were passing by. We had to get off the road, just in time to see little man in the back with white hair and long white clerics. :) Yes, folks. Only I would come to Rome only to almost get run over by the Papa.

Don't worry. He extended his Papal Blessing to all of my friends and family not present. I promise :)

If I had to leave tomorrow...

…I would leave o.k., understanding why it is I had to come here.

It’s hard to explain changes, especially those that seem so small. They shouldn’t make any difference, and yet the incredible thing is that they do. And even more so, they were that which you have been wanting find, wanting to experience for so long.

How could I explain my life here in Rome? To say that all the beautiful things that have happened and will happen just MAGICALLY appeared… eh, that’s really not the case. It could seem like I have been given many encounters from which I should take and learn a thing or two, and that is all. There is nothing else I need to do. That at the end of this experience, no matter what happens, ‘it will be a good experience in which I will have become a better person.’ The truth is, I don’t think it happens to be that easy for me. This trip is not based on my coming here to sing, to enjoy life, to eat gelato (while those things are all part of the process). There is so much more than that.

I like to use this analogy: I’ve been given a set of many little keys and have been shown a giant mansion, plantation. I have been told to go and test the doors, and try to open them because behind each one of those doors, something really revelatory, important, significant awaits for me. So I go and I try to open all of these doors with conviction. When I get nervous and impatient, I lose my track of thought and can’t remember which keys I already used. When I go through the process of trying all the keys, I waste time. It’s not until I take the time to slow down and, keyword, trust that I remember the most important thing: the keys are in my hands, and it doesn’t matter if it takes a lifetime, but I will eventually be able to open those doors, because I have faith that I have been given all the right keys. This is not just a time where ‘I am learning a little more about myself.’ No. I am doing something much more important. I am learning how to love and trust God.

As Carrie Lawless would explain it, ‘You know that feeling you get when just open yourself to God and all you can do is fall on your knees and cry because you truly don’t know what else to do?’ No. I didn’t know that before here. Maybe I experienced it a little bit, but I didn’t know what that was like to truly begin to give my entire self to something I can’t see and that sometimes, I can’t hear, because I didn’t trust enough, but mostly because I was so afraid of the pain it would bring. (Imagine constructing this entire temple, and then realizing you need to knock it down and build it again, knowing that your only consolation is that you have gained experience in how to build. It’s not easy, folks.) At the same time I thought I had reached some kind of optimum relationship with God. ‘Everything’s great ! I don’t need to do ANYTHING else!’ I had never let my guard down enough to have something that profound in my life. Never. Then I am given the chance to come here and meet amazing people, learn different things, and that begins to change for me, because I all of a sudden feel up to the challenge of being less afraid and understanding what true love really is. Then I read a line in Chiara Amirante’s book where she says, ‘The great saints felt spiritual aridity because they were going through purification of the soul. Most of us think we have that same problem, when in reality, most of the time, the truth is, we’re just not searching for Jesus.’ Wow. I can’t recall how many times I have sat back and thought. ‘Oh. I don’t feel like praying at the moment, and God would appreciate it if I prayed later. I will just do everything…later.’ So many times that ‘later’ never came, and I found myself to afraid to keep moving forward that I just made myself comfortable where I was and stopped asking questions. I have been able to witness so many incredible, real examples here and I realize, ‘No, Rosie. Not putting yourself into the relationship and thinking you will find God is not o.k., no matter what kind of excuses you are making for yourself.’ (The fruit of prayer is a clean heart which is free to love….) And so I began to be truly be truly honest, and my heart is on its way to a much better place.

I’ve thought that this has everything to do with coming here and feeling a ‘spiritual high’ because I was in Rome. Nope. This is me trying to let go of fear and continuously search my heart and soul, giving myself the chance to go deeper than the surface. Nothing seemingly ‘big’ has changed about me, except for my allowance of growth, which is everything. It has not been easy, and I won’t pretend it will ever be, but it is rewarding, because in learning to establish a real relationship with God and letting myself decrease, I stop worrying, ‘If God has given me a vocation to be a consecrated religious, WHO WILL SAVE THE WORLD?!?’ (Cynical, I know. But truthfully something I have thought of often.) No. First, I have to learn how to be His daughter. That’s all He wants.

I love you all. In my prayers, always.

Be a pencil in the hand of God, which has done nothing except be allowed to be used. – M. Teresa

Luck be a Rosie all day :)

Hey there everyone :) Greetings from a very sunny, cool Rome, listening to some Frank Sinatra. 

It's a quiet afternoon here, after a very long, but joyous, weekend. Tonight, I am going to go do some singing, thus I will have quite a bit to tell you all tomorrow! 

Until tomorrow, I love you all. :) 

Notte Bianca!

‘Notte Bianca’ = White Night

Rome has a specific day, more so a specific evening, called ‘Notte Bianca’ sponsored by the Roman Comune, which by what I can gather, is more or less a bazaar-type-deal of free entrances to museums and concerts, free food, horse racing (?... I know. I felt the same way when I heard.), etc. Every year people look forward to spending all night outside, visiting places and having a good time. This year, due to lack of funds, White Night was either postponed or just not offering much (We couldn’t figure out which it was.) But, of course, one must still celebrate, right? … even if no one else does!

Yesterday, a few other girls (Maria José and Adrianna, both from Mexico, Illiana from Romania, and Carrie) and I spent the day basically crusing the city. In the morning, visiting ‘Castel S. Angelo’(Yea St. Michael!!!) and in the afternoon visiting the Roman Forum. Two of the girls had prepared mini-tours to give us about each site. The one at ‘Castel S. Angelo’ went quite smoothly, as I am sure would have been the case for our mini tour of the Roman Forum (…if we could have figured out how to actually get IN to the Roman Forum…) More or less, we had the oppurtunity to take pictures with LOTS of monuments, ask others to take group pictures of us, which sometimes didn’t turn out so well... Us:‘Sir, could you take this picture?’ Sir:‘No.’ Us:’O.k..’What of course ended up being so awesome is the fact that later that night all of us, senza Illiana, went Salsa dancing in a nearby town, merely by a spur of the moment whim. A friend had invited us to visit this small town close to Rome just to check it out, and we mentioned how much we love to dance salsa, and pretty much that was that!

I always surprise myself when I go dancing because I always seem to forget how much I love to dance and how much joy it brings me. I think I had been focused on a few other things this week, which were and are of course important, but I need to remember how equally important it is to remember how close I feel to art, because it brings me such pure joy, and as Mother Teresa would say, joy, love, and compassion go hand in hand. You can’t be one without the other.

Amazing how we never stop learning things about ourselves. In my prayers.